Dioreeeeaha

Oh my god my stomach hurts. Last night I had the worst case of diarea I think I’ve ever had. Diahorea, diareeah, even Spell Check is just coming out with ‘diary’. I’ve had to look on the back of the Imodium packet to find ‘diarrhoea’. Maybe I tempted fate by eating two big pot-noodley things and adding my own, healthy, ingredients. Maybe the manufacturers have discovered a way to make a person piss out of his bottom if he dares try to add nutritional value to their products. What is altogether more likely however, is that our flat is so filthy because (a) it just is and (b) Harry is such a selfish, manky, god-forsaken fucker. You know the person who is ‘fundamentally nice’ but has just been weaned off his mothers breast and has only just learnt how to ‘go-potty’. He still is having trouble developing a sense the world beyond himself. I’m sure if you are a student, or ever have been a student you will very likely know one, two, maybe more than three of these creatures. If you have never come across one, please do society a favour and go emigrate to the heart of a volcano, since you are one of them. You may be able to sense my tether is ending some time soon.



Oh earlier this week we found a cockroach. Not a small, forgettably sized one, but the sort of one you find in a pet shop right beside the Giant African Stick Insects. I have never taken much joy from killing any form of life. The guilt still plagues me from when I neglected to death my tropical fish, and I still have to close my eyes to swat a fly. This was somehow different – this symbolised my hate for selfish fuckers subjecting me to their dangerously low worldly awareness. I killed it quite elaborately by chasing it with prongs and a glass bowl to the side of a sliding door and then shutting this as fast as possible. Not exactly to plan, but stylish and effective. My joy was short lived when later Harry informed me that he’d just found out that when killed the 200 eggs contained within the mother can still hatch, and that they give out a posthumous hormone that happens to attract other symbols of selfishness from apartments around. Maybe in a ‘Karmactic’ way this my ex-fish exacting their revenge.